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In Memory

Kathy Ciulla

Kathy Ciulla

Nov 3, 2015. 

This was posted in Kathy Ciulla'a FB page. It is very sad. It looks like she asked a friend of hers to post this after she passed. To all family and friends, the following is a good-bye letter from our dear friend Kathy... R.I.P. sweet Angel friend I know that you said no tears, not an easy request to follow...until we are together again someday...

Dear Loved Ones,
Have some news I need to share with you. As my Aunt Ida used to say “brace yourself”.
I’m dying of cancer. It has spread from my lungs to my mouth, etc. I have been going from Doctor to Doctor from specialist to specialist… finally a biopsy of my jawbone revealed the truth. Now it’s too late and I am in extreme pain.
If we had a merciful society, I would be able to get the same compassion as a cat or dog gets when they are dying and in pain. How many times has a Veterinarian said “it would be cruel to let your pet suffer in pain and with just one shot they could pass in peace?” There is no such compassion for people. When you hear that I have skipped the agony of my final days, I hope you will know that it is not with disregard for life, I’m not insane or depressed… I just can’t handle this pain and see no value in suffering to the bitter end.
I’ve asked Billy (my step-son) not to have a funeral, a service, or any fan fair– just make an ash of me and let me RIP with his Father. If you feel inclined, say a prayer that I will be with my Billy in heaven – I’ve missed him so.
I hope by now that some of the initial shock of my departure has begun to wear away and that the kind carpet of pleasant memories has started to unroll. My only sadness at contemplating this moment for you is that I know I shall go and leave much I hoped to do with you undone. I only ask one thing.
No sad tears for me, please.
Every wonderful, delightful thrill, experience, and emotion life has to offer has been mine.
So, no sad tears, please.
Rather, recall me with a fond smile as someone who shared your laughter, tears, and dreams through the years ...
Save your sadness and sorrow for those who leave before they find, see, feel, taste, touch and discover the precious pleasures of this world.
No sad tears for me, please.
I've lived a goodly span of years — and enjoyed them all. Laughed a lot, cried a little . . . seen a thousand sunsets — shot a thousand arrows, traveled the world, and as the dawn of my life broke, I began the biggest adventure of my life with my Billy. We healed life’s bumps and bruises, we filled each other’s hearts with all the good stuff…we were one.
So, no sad tears, please.
I've cradled that same man in my arms, walked with his hand in mine, danced cheek to cheek, and was adored by him . . . and then one day, as easily as I welcomed him into my heart, he slipped away.
So, no sad tears, please.

I’ve had the best of friends and loved most of you, most of the time. My friends…you are a mixed bag of people scattered across the world. Some of you came into my life briefly, some for a season, others for a reason, while some of you I have loved for a lifetime. What an honor and extreme blessing each of you have been to me.
No sad tears for me, please.
The memories of the years I turn over slowly — like the pages of a book. There were victories, and they gave life zest. There were defeats and sadness — I’d like to say they made me stronger (but I’m not sure that’s true). Many of them were lived vicariously — through my nephew’s growth, their successes & my friend’s endeavors. Perhaps the greatest adventures of all have been the spiritual journey. Learning each step of the way to understand our purpose, to cherish life’s gifts, to seek peace and joy… to believe.
I was always in a hurry to grow up (15 going on 30). I raced with many contemporaries and knew the thrill of achieving . . . the roar of the crowd was sweet. It’s been an exciting and dynamic life. I’ve gone where I wanted, had amazing experiences, and done everything I ever wanted to do. How cool is that?
So, no sad tears for me, please.
Life has been good . . . it has been very, very good. As long as you remember me with fondness . . . and my memory evokes a wistful smile then I have lived a good life.
No sad tears for me, please . . .
I Love you,

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11/15/15 11:20 AM #1    

Howard Goldstone

What Kathy wrote was one of the nicest things I ever read.


11/15/15 03:34 PM #2    

Wendy Eliason (Summers)

It's sad that we don't have a handle on cancer yet.  Having worked in both the pharmaceutical industry and patient care, I've seen and learned so much.  We all have cancer cells, our immune systems destroy them continually.  It seems that the people who feel deeply, who are sensitive and stressed by life's events are the ones whose immune systems struggle the most.  Death of a spouse, loss of a career these things take their toll on our immune systems.  What we can do is offer one another support, laughter, friendship, the bright side to help them get through these times giving them positive energy.


I would like to urge everyone to prescreen, do blood tests before biopsies, and please seek an ND (Naturopathic practitioner) as well as the oncologist.  I have seen a high cure rate from naturopathic treatments and IPT (insulin potentiated chemotherapy) which is legal only in a few states.  People come to AZ from as far as Europe for naturopathic care and IPT treatments.  Realize that the pharmaceutical industry is a business and so profit is the bottom line.  Most of the time when you donate to cancer funds the money goes to the pharmaceutical companies not the patient and cost for cutting edge treatment can be 4k a week.  If you know someone with cancer send them your anonymous gift.  I agree with Kathy that we are more humane with our pets than our family.  The blessing here is that Kathy came to terms with her life and her death leaving while embracing the love she experienced.  

Wendy Summers RN BS RM

11/16/15 06:53 AM #3    

Julie Dick (Fowler)

I'd love for someone to put this to music.  Kathy's words are deeply impactful and moving.  Despite her physical pain, she was able to leave this world grateful for her life experiences.  May we all be fortunate enough to have that mindset and appreciate all that life has brought us.

11/16/15 12:12 PM #4    

Dan Brennan

One of the most poweful and impactful pieces I have ever read.  Thank you Kathy for reaching out to all of us one last time with a message that will last a lifetime.  I will never understand exactly how you felt during your battle with cancer.  You didn't lose...you won.  You controlled the final outcome.  Not cancer.  I'm not sure how to read your message without shedding a tear.  It will not be sad tear yet an inspirational one.  Thank you Kathy.  

11/16/15 03:23 PM #5    

Bambi Kleehamer

Well....it has now been a couple of weeks since Kathy passed on.  This has been a hard one to wrap my head around.  I have known Kathy since we were very young.  We went to summer camp together, along with Patty Hinton, Sandy Younghans and Sally Boncke.  She was one of the sweetest and most caring people that I have ever known.  After reading her FB post, on the day that she passed on, and all of the responses that everyone wrote...I realized that she kept in touch with so many people. We all had our own relationship with her.  I don't even know how she had time in her day to keep in touch with so many of us....a genuine friend.  She cared about everyone and how everyone was doing.  It was always about her friends first and then herself.  I'm attaching a picture of Patsy McBride, Kathy Ciulla, Kim Cole, Jeanne Travers and myself at a slumber....who knows whose house we were even staying at.  RIP Kath....you will be missed! xo


11/16/15 04:02 PM #6    

David Arieno

I wasn't close with Kathy, but after reading her departing message, I wish I had been.  I'm moved beyond words...

Know that you are loved and missed by those you've touched. No tears, only joy!

Kathy, I know you've been reunited with Billy.  May you and he rest in eternal pleace and love...


Dave Arieno


11/20/15 05:35 PM #7    

Debbie Hurley (Turisi)

I have a lot of memories with Kathy and was so touched by her last writing.   It was literally one of the most beautiful and touching pieces I have ever read.  Her memory will always live on......Separated by time but not by love...See you on the other side Kathy..

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